Every year, I have to abandon my social circle and find a new one just because they figure out that I’ve stolen my entire affect, backstory, and wardrobe from David Duchovny in Californication. It’s getting pretty exhausting, but there’s just no other way to go about it

THE HIGHWAY'S JAMMED WITH BROKEN HEROES ON A LAST CHANCE POWER DRIVE

modern scooby doo velma: my vape, i cant live without my vape fred: ill go investigate with shaggy, if he consents norbert: why do you all call me that scrappy: because woke moralists destroyed america daphne: i dont mind being paired with scooby (: scooby: im roining risis

Me when I don't want a social safety net, I want to critique the social safety net

So now it’s illegal for a guy to chase teens for 4 blocks and shoot them in the back huh they just made this rule up right now cause he’s white probably

He's going to crash the economy for no reason lol

As I’ve been saying, nonzero chance retired boomers are going to launch a property tax revolt that ends up defunding public schools.

No disrespect to Taylor, but there is a significant difference between limiting children's access to phones during school hours and imposing age verification laws

His first child was just born and he has to go and do this shit because the Dems can't stand the idea of winning on anything but their terms

(crossing my arms over my suspiciously saturn ring shaped belly) damn that sucks where are they going

My reaction to that information

we live in the reality where ronald reagan wasn’t randomly strangled to death by a chimpanzee in 1951

funny how there aren’t any lighthouses in the middle…… #thinking #biden

Those are Herr's He knows ball

this and a small town where somethings not right

Cops are such fucking pussies man

so it's the position of the United States, famously a nation that ships families around the world to accompany soldiers, that families on military bases are legitimate targets?

Love this new genre of political influencer that is perpetually running for office in different districts