When I was a kid, I wanted to be older. This shit was not what I expected.

Me: I'm gonna lose weight. Me: I'm gonna exercise every day. Me: I'm gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?

If you tickle me, I'm not responsible for your injuries.

Laying in bed, remembering a conversation in your head, and imagining what you should've said instead.

I hate when I understand something AFTER the test.

Responding to texts while half asleep, then realizing you make no sense.

Money can buy me happiness. It's called food.

#RETWEET if you love ♥ your grandparents 👵👴

Twitter is my friend, YouTube is my voice, and Google is my brain.

I delete my whole password when I type one letter wrong.

Sleeping is nice because you're not actually dead and you're not awake so it's a win-win situation.

The awkward moment you flush the toilet in the middle of the night and it's the loudest sound in all the universe.

They should invent WiFi bracelets so you can wear them anywhere and have a WiFi connection

I'll sleep all day when I get home tomorrow. Wake up around 9. Do the Candy Crush Saga Quest. Sleep some more.

I'm hungry. I just ate.

I'm soooooooooo very hungry! Soooooo very hungry! Even thooooooough I just ate!

Soooooo hungry.

Wait, did I just put that many O's on though? Sorry, a little tune was playing in my head as I typed it.

I'm tired. Night.

#Offline