Come to the ocean with me, I’m very classy

The world needs this.. 😊

I’m making potato salad for the first time. Do the raisins go on top as a garnish or inside the potato salad?

take me down to the orc city where the grass is green and the girls are also green

hey there delilah what’s it like in new orc city

I don't know who needs to hear this, but Puerto Ricans are American citizens. FUCK YOU, ICE. 🖕🖕🖕🖕

This is Waffles. She’s very polite.

I had a salad for lunch and then 16 handfuls of Cheetos for lunch dessert

If your life actually does flash in front of your eyes just before you die, and if each iteration includes the life flashing at the end, you are probabilistically more likely to be in the middle of a perpetual series of life flashings than you are to be living your actual life.

Where does drinking wine and eating Peep and Reese’s pumpkin “sandwiches” before crying myself to sleep fall on the self care scale?? Asking for a friend

Everybody talking about how poor people shouldn’t be able to buy junk food on food stamps.. Well, I don’t think billionaires oughta be able to buy 14-year-olds on private islands.. But here we are

Me- for the foreseeable future:

The giant spider in my room is now named Cotton Eyed Joe, because I want to know two things: -where did he come from -where did he go

I just want a French bulldog and a husband with a Scottish accent!!! Is that too fucking much to ask!?!

Raise your hand ✋ if you AGREE

I hope this helps, guys. 😆

Morning!