How do you tell someone who doesn't know you're Eskimo Brothers that you are that through his wife?

I'm so Floridian that I just placed an Amazon order with 2-Day Shipping. Someone tell Cantore to meet me at McGregor's Public House.

Anyone know where my wallet is?

Anyone wanna help me with a fun project? I needa sort through my vintage Playboy collection and package a few up to sell. As the saying goes: "there's gold in them there pornogs!" Stuff from the 70s, 80s, 90s, and early 2000s. Who's in?

Listen... For the record, my costume wasn't Dwyane Wade himself, it was the bronze statue of Dwyane Wade. I wasn't in "blackface" man... AT MOST, I was in "bronzeface"... y'all can stop trying to cancel me now.

Anyone know where I can get a His/Hers/Hers/Hers matching Christmas towel set? Do they make those? Need some new family digs for the house. #PolyJollyChristmas

Anyone wanna go Christmas Caroling door-to-door, except we sing my original music? I'm pretty sure forcing everyone to listen to "The Legend of Ol' Hump" is totally how I get discovered.

If you don't know who Jackie Moon is, you have absolutely zero business being in a conversation about who the greatest basketball players of all times is.

The Christmas song "Everybody's Waiting For The Man With The Bag" is about a drug dealer.

How do you know me?

WaWa gas station's full name is WaWa WeeWa. #SuperNicheJoke #IDontCareItMakesMeChuckle

My favorite thing 'boutchu is that you exist—all the other great stuff 'boutchu is just icing on the cake. I sure do love you all.

If I can be vulnerable and pull the curtain back a bit: if I had three wishes, one would be that I didn't feel so lonely all the time. Even when surrounded, I'm often utterly alone. I don't belong here and that's hard. I love y'all.

If anyone notices the weed plants growing in Laura's garden, please just tell her it's Japanese Maple, that it's native to SWFL, and the wind must have carried them there—I definitely ain't plant nuttin'. Good lookin' out, y'all. ::low bones::

But, really, who DID let the dogs out?

I've long said that I don't want a funeral if I ever kick it... But, secretly, part of me wants there to be one so my wife and all my girlfriends can sit on the front row and everyone can see what smooth, pimp daddy y'boi was. #SmoothPimpDaddy #Yboi #PolyGlamorous

Just saw a sign for a business hiring "Cash Register Operators"... we can't say "cashier" no more...?

Got a couple slots open in my fantasy football leauge. Hundo buy-in. Who wanna be in a leauge (12) with Laura, me, and some of my best mates?

New music coming next week! mvkmusicgroup.com/slimtronic5k-u…

On a scale of one to one-hunnit, I love y'all whatever comes after one-hunnit. #OneHunnit