that SNL Hillary singing Hallelujah cold open but it's Joe Biden singing Liability

I give it three business days they find out about her dad and start calling her Commiela

pointed at the screen and said “they call me that”

the fact that spotify defaults to smart shuffle when you try to shuffle a playlist makes me so mad. “wait let me add some of my songs to this” no man we are not friends. i literally hate you

nothing beats Cold Bev and Wall

Can't stop taking HRT or else my testosterone will come back, call me sissyphus

hair

being a real adult is more fun than I expected but I can feel myself getting lamer by the day

my body is a machine that turns strangers into friends

“im definitely in love with her i just can’t stand that there’s other guys” - who voluntarily submitted an audition went thru a rigorous screening process to join the There’s 29 Other Guys Dating Show

you’ve heard of making up a guy to be mad atnow get ready for making up a guy who is mad at you

FUCKKK!!!

open mic regulars starting to recognize me i am transitioning seemlessly into adulthood

I am firing on one cylinder and it is an Arizona Arnold Palmer Half and Half

on private I said this season of the bachelorette could be re-edited to be a horror movie about being a heterosexual woman and I just want to reiterate that

All this talk about running backs and tight ends and wide receivers, but when is a wide receiver with a tight end gonna let my cum run down his back?

i wish i had enough swag to do one of those cute outfit change tiktoks but unfortunately i have the natural energy of someone being held at gunpoint