So my lane starts moving, that means things start getting better, right? Nope!

Someone ahead of me in the line got VERY CONFUSED as they were driving onto the ramp and merged with the second lane going on the ramp. And because one person did it, the next SIX CARS did it too.

People, there’s a reason BC Ferries boards vehicles the way they do… call me crazy, but a balanced boat might, I don’t know, sail just a bit better than one completely lopsided?

I’m not an expert in fluid buoyancy, but I’m pretty sure I get the basics.

So now I could see the Ferries workers on board are suddenly doing double-time because they have to balance out the load… but are people paying attention?

So we’re finally all on board the vessel and it’s shuddering to a start. I grab a seat and try not to think about how humans are seriously in trouble as a species. Until the PSAs start…

The Chief Steward comes on the PA to do, what I thought would be, the normal “turn off your car alarm” announcement. Except this is the dumbest sailing of BC Ferries passengers ever, remember?

He starts lecturing the passengers because 7 different vehicles have car alarms going off. That’s a fair number.

Best part? Chief Steward was having none of it. NONE OF IT, folks. He launches into us, rightfully so.

“I have never experienced this in my years with B.C. Ferries. This must be addressed immediately.”

I don’t want to cast aspersions on anyone, but he starts listing off all these luxury cars… 2 Audis, 1 Cadillac, 1 Mustang and I missed the rest because I was laughing so hard.

15 minutes later cue the most passive-aggressive PA reminders… huge thanks to the others who did turn off their alarms, but folks driving an Escalade, BMW, and Audi get called out.

Turning off your car alarms on BC Ferries is a big deal - ask anyone who has travelled with their dog on board. It hurts the ears of crew, passengers and pups!

“We have a new record folks! With eight consecutive car alarms going off at once. Would the owner of a white Mustang with licence plate of… if you could turn off your alarms *lets out huge sigh* it would be GREATLY appreciated.”

This sailing was highly entertaining, although I seriously wonder how BC Ferries crew members don’t throw folks overboard. Y’all deserve a raise.

So stoked that 2 amazing writers (and LOVELY human beings) I know are shortlisted for CBC Nonfiction Prize! Congrats @KellyS_Thompson Finnian Burnett !!!!

Am using Word’s “read aloud” feature to review my next MFA submission. It sounds like a whispering demon. Sleep ain’t happening tonight friends.

It's live! Check out Storia, a substack newsletter documenting my historical nonfiction narrative WIP about my Italian family. Link: open.substack.com/pub/simoneblai…

New year, new project! Check out my substack newsletter on my #WIP: open.substack.com/pub/simoneblai…

The queen hath spoken: