Made a 4 PM pot of coffee on a Sunday just as it started to rain. The middle aged vibes are immaculate.

If the first car in the school car line isn’t pulled all the way up there will be a new first car and it will be me.

Hmmm, that must be pretty good. -Me leaving Costco and seeing things in other people’s carts.

If your wife is sad because you just dropped your kid off at college it may require something drastic to cheer her up. I just suggested we go look for a new fall wreath.

Temperature was in the 60s this morning and everyone in my town can’t freakin wait to post a picture of their fire pit later.

My wife has a little lamp that melts a candle so you can smell it but fire was like my favorite part of the candle.

Made it to that age where I start seriously thinking of giving pickleball a try.

I didn't even know I was the loudest cereal eater in the world until I got married.

Billionaires will never experience the simple joy of getting the Costco rewards certificate and Yankee Candle coupon in the mail together.

You can just order a cake. You don’t have to prove it’s someone’s birthday or anything.

I won’t tell anyone if I win the lottery but there will be signs.

Your kids want you to be a cool dad but not “singing Hot to Go around their friends” cool.

Sorry your kid finally put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher but all the other dishes in there were clean.

Don't forget to let your emotional wellbeing be dictated by kids in college playing football today.

I wasn’t expecting buying a pickleball paddle / racket would be so intense. It’s like the yogurt aisle but way more expensive.

I can’t believe it’s already time to find fun fall family activities in our area again.

Using Chat GPT to check my 8th grader’s math homework.

9 year old me would be so bummed to see that grownup me basically never uses a grappling hook or smoke bombs.

Our family group chat is mostly just me sending out the access code that was just texted to me so someone can log into one of my accounts.

Made it to that level of middle aged where I added relaxing background music to my early Saturday morning