i've never played "goat simulator" i live that shit

how I feel when I learn a professional athlete is younger than me

mordecai: dude that sandwich was so big rugby:

😍 WILLY EXTENDS!

I FOUND IT

upholding our core values and ensuring increasing revenue for our key shareholders

Surprising my gf with a sensible contribution to her Roth for our anniversary

Just incredible

taking a sip of beer and then letting out a big “ahhhhh” so the pregnant lady at the pool next to me knows what shes missing

BREAKING: DOJ has told Donald Trump his name is in the Epstein files, per WSJ

If your baby is ugly I am going to vape on it a little bit

My dad pronounces marvel like an old black guys name

͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ 𝗘𝗿𝗿𝗼𝗿 Your account is currently locked due to several reports made on your account for being a fat fucking chud. For more information please contact X Support. ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏

“You’re gonna punch me?” “Yeah” “Then you’re gonna in trouble for that” “Okay” Followed by this frame is one of the hardest things I’ve seen on the internet this week.

I take a sorta European approach to living in Chicago, Illinois