Badda-bing badda-boom. Damn, this'll be fun.

What to do on a day like toooooday.

*May or may not be the reason why a certain orange vulgarian's image falters on live TV, giving the "politician" four mouths and six eyes.*

*Sits in a couple's fleeing shopping cart. He screams "WHEEE" as the fart speeds down the hill towards traffic. The couple just stare on.*

You're going to the store. You're wearing your new rain-boots, but it isn't raining anymore. It's all snow and ice. You fall. What a fool.

You're trying to get a cab. Every time one comes to a stop, someone climbs into it before you can pick up your briefcase. What a shame.

You're trying to watch porn. But an ad for My Little Pony keeps popping up every time the camera focuses in on "the action".

No one even has fun anymore.

You look out your window. You see your pesky neighbours. You glare as they proudly show off their hideously obese dog. Or is it a cat?

Goodness, I've certainly been a busy boy with the noble nation of rednecks.

Thanks to some--whom work for higher powers, I needn't work too hard for the next four years. Or however long an impeachment process takes.

You look out your window. Beautiful, breathtaking. Halfway to your shitty job, a blizzard hits town.

DEAR GOD.

Someone dropped the dunta duh.

You flip through every song on your playlist, never finding one to "fit the mood".

You try to watch your favourite show, but Netflix says it's currently "under maintenance" and to "try again later". What a pity.

Right when you yell "fuck", a young mother and her infant stop to scowl at you. Lovely influence, you. x.com/agentcanis/sta…

You try to roll a joint to celebrate the day. You sneeze and drop your weed. It is gone, scattered among the blades of greening grass.