I wonder how many texts of “can you post me for national girlfriend’s day babe” have been sent today

SUMMER CLASSES ARE OVER

Can someone break my heart I need to get back in the gym

Word on the street is alphaphislayer is shotgunning a 4 loko this evening…

100 follower special

I should put a couple more mirrors in my room so I can stare at myself

Being stuck up about how much you are getting paid on a burner Twitter account is honestly a different type of shrink

If you shoot your shot and miss, there’s always another possession #inspiration

Nicotine stores need to be in all airports

Gonna start connecting with the huzz on LinkedIn because I get too nervous to text them. So at least they know I’m interested

A friend of mine sent me a screenshot of his bank account after his internship ended today and then proceeded to block me on everything. Crazy how much people switch up on you these days.

PLEASE hang me from that ceiling fan with your dog collar while I bark at you

Do girls have hobbies other than just hoeing around

I’m gonna manipulate my ex into falling in love with me again just so I can be the one to cheat this time

I’ve always found it so funny that we can accurately determine how hot someone is based on their Bitmoji

Bedside drawer, you’ve been good to me. See you next summer

Left lanes on highways are either people openly breaking the law or going 10 under the speed limit and it pisses me off

Anyone know what gas stations sell Velo Plus in Tuscaloosa

Johnny manziel had the best college experience in history and mine is a close second

I’m ridiculously horny on this fdoc