“Why’d you get that tattoo right there on your arm? You’re gonna regret that one day.” Bc I wanted to Karen thanks & don’t come again 🙃

Ya win some, Ya lose some

I can’t wait to get married. My husband gonna be like what’s for dinner? Dinosaur nuggets and smiley fries. Get with it or get lost 🫶🏼

I really can’t think of anything more depressing than getting home from work at 6 o’clock and it already being dark outside

Cranberry sauce on Thanksgiving?

🫶🏼

Dear Darla, I hate your stinking guts. You make me vomit. You’re scum between my toes. Love, Alfalfa

One thing about me is I’m gonna complain about how shitty I feel, but I’m not gonna take any medicine to help me feel better

If you have parents that are alive and present in your life, do not ever take that for granted

The things I’d do rn for an 80 degree lake day

Me on Thanksgiving: “I’m just here for the deviled eggs”

Just dropped my phone in a big ole pile of dog poop 🥲

I think I wanna start going to the beach for the holidays. Sounds so much more peaceful

Idc what anyone says, Guys Grocery Games is so good. I could watch it for hours

Don’t tell me that someone has already called in for tomorrow bc now I wanna call in too

I hate this generation we live in.

unfortunately, i do always have something smart to say