Quadruple amputee cornhole pro Dayton Webber pictured with swastika scar days before gunning down pal trib.al/kstRXKX

story from a buddy's dad at a restaurant in NYC. sees Rodney Dangerfield sitting at the bar, alone, eating spaghetti with his hands. walks over. "Rodney, I'm a HUGE fan-" Rodney cuts him off, turns and goes: "What is this, a gay bar?" ...and goes right back to his spaghetti.

My first ever first-date we rode our bikes to the batting cages and she watched me hit ropes in the 60 mph stall

Beef Bourgogne is the European “slop bowl”

Pete Davidson is on pace to spend $660K removing his tattoos, and the reason it costs that much is genuinely one of the weirdest things happening inside the human body. Tattoos are permanent because your immune system is actively holding the ink in place. White blood cells

Starting to notice that the wife asks the dog “did you do this?!” in the same tone she asks me. Either way she’s wiping up the floor piss idc.

has RFK tried just coughing really hard

Interesting how the Sportsbook apps are trying to advertise gambling on sports as a social vice like drinking. Most of us just lose $ in private, right?

In the late 1990s, I remember seeing the OG found footage film “The Blair Witch Project”, thinking “How could a woman be pursued through the woods by a spook and still have time to point the camera at herself to record monologues?” In hindsight, this might be the most realistic

Indians when their friends drown in shallow water vs Indians when people make fun of them online

🐝🐝🐝

an indigenous, genderqueer coprophilic fetish film called “Two-Spirit 1 Cup”

so, i’ve been having this for breakfast every morning in slovakia for about nine days and i’ve lost 3 pounds. the food in america is just poison.

Alexa turn the living room lights down to 20%. Alexa: okie dokie Alexa don’t ever fucking talk like that again. Alexa: … That’s right.

An internet search engine that tries to scam you based on your search queries called “Ask Jeets”

The first Dad to ever sarcastically ask his kid “what do you think I am, made of money?” really cooked there.

Has anyone eaten a hummingbird? LMK

Someone asked if I like Norm Macdonald. I says to them I says Why you got tickets?