I can‘t tell if my daughter’s smashing plates all over the kitchen floor or singing the theme song to Paw Patrol.

So annoying when I’m trying to tweet and my kids are all, “I’m hungry,” or “I’m thirsty,” or “I’m bleeding.”

Whenever I take my kid to hop! skip! jump! and she tantrums the whole time..#toddler #momlife #indoorplayground #halifax #badmommy #toddlerlife #theoffice

Me carrying my purse, lunch bag, diaper bag, coffee and breakfast and my toddler says “uppie uppie uppie uppie” 🙃 #birdbox #birdboxmeme #badmommy #shitmykiddoes

Dis year me focusing on me self-care. When me need little love, me going to give meself cookie.

My daughter was just fussing over the sausages we were having for supper, then started hooting like an owl so I told her that owls eat sausage..and she ate the whole damn thing 🦉🤷🏼‍♀️👧🏼 #momwin #kidsareweird #shitmykiddoes

Boxing Day got the best of me 😬😬 #BirdBox #AnotherOne #MemeQueen

😅

It’s like Christmas everyday when you’ve got an online shopping addiction 🤗

Toddler: Mom what’s that? *points to salt & pepper shaker* Me: Salt & pepper Toddler: I love sauce and pepper!!! #sauce #shitmykidsays

Negotiations with children at meal time: Me: eat all your food and you get dessert Me: eat your veggies too Me: eat one bite of your veggies Me: okay just lick the veggies

I just learned how to cook Mr.Noodles in the microwave, so I didn’t have to dirty a pot...also, i’m supposed to be on a diet, also...i’m 24 😂

Potty training a toddler is exactly like house breaking a puppy..you never know when you’re going to step in a puddle of pee 😬

My toddler disappeared into my bedroom about a half hour ago and she either fell asleep or shit on my bed and i’m not willing to go in and find out..cause atleast she’s leaving me the fuck alone 😬

Anyone ever get a package delivered from UPS then get the email that it’s been delivered and in the “delivered to” section it basically gives a full body description : “woman, purple hair (bad roots), medium build (bit chunky), still in pj’s at 3pm, slippers with holes 🙃

I can’t do this anymore

@goodpicklejokes Hold me in your pickle arms

🖕🏻 ALL the way off Alabama.