I’ve got a Swedish friend, but she’s multi-cultural.

Are your walnuts candied?

New fave spot in the Hamps.

I wish the shitty people would date all the other shitty people and leave the rest of us alone.

You definitely have the sads. Snap out of it! Take some B vitamins!

I went to college in America motherfuckers. I know the right way to play beer pong!

Pro tip: if you ever want food from Harrods food hall go at 8pm and tons of stuff is 50% off!

Re Twiglets: Is this white trash food?!?

My elbows are really pointy. They're like legit weapons.

Jerusalem artichokes are the most gas inducing food on the planet! Seriously. Just wait and see what happens to you in an hour.

I don't have fucking time to be babysitting all these kooks!!!

Re: lotion Ok give me some. My elbows are dry! I have super pointy elbows.

If I don't have a husband in the next five years I'm just going to impregnate myself with Asian sperm.

Whenever my dad would fill up the tank when I was a kid I would sniff gas.

I think I'm not into guitars. I don't know what it's called ... Like those "riffs."

I been doin' a lotta butt work.

I am getting *wasted* this afternoon. My goal is to be blackout by 7pm.

What temperature do chickpeas live in?

You see those ads on the tube that say 'feel like a Chinese?' and I'm like, 'Of course not, I feel like a white person!'

I cannot stress enough how important it is you watch this gorilla bathe-dancing to maniac. By Bob Hagh x.com/bobhagh/status…