👏👏👏 Andy Bennett QPM

ALL MEN! Just a little reminder to smile this evening, because women like to see positive men.

Every word of this is the truth...

A question to other tooth fairies out there. WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THE TEETH? I don't really want to keep them, but as I paid cash for them, I feel like chucking them in the bin would be wasteful. But also: eiw. #toothfairy

TODAY'S DEBATE: Can men be funny?

Just when you think staying at home couldn't get worse, someone on my street just got a new rooster.

I’m terrified at the thought of another election because if this country votes Tory again I will have to go off grid, get feral, start livin off the land and I have lots of intolerances and don’t like soil

YES. I'm glad we're finally talking about this.

I just received a passive aggressive notification from TouchNote. "Hi P. It's been a month since you last sent someone a..." ALRIGHT. I'M A FAILURE OF A DAUGHTER AND A SISTER. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED ME TO SAY, HUH TOUCHNOTE?!

I've just found my new favourite twitter account

.Boris Johnson hey babes, just wanted to know, for the next lockdown, which night of the week will we be clapping? Also, who are we clapping for this time? Just so that I can give them a call and let them know that they'll get claps instead of a pay rise. TIA hun 😘

Puff

I'm looking forward to going to see Stuart McConie's Niche Impersonations on tour once the restrictions have lifted Stuart Maconie BBC Radio 6 Music

Hi Boden what's your returns policy like? I bought a shirt in April. Still in the bag, unworn with tags. Dreadful fit on me. Been meaning to return it for ages but before I knew it 4 years had passed. Bought it in 2016.

I'm performing in Leeds on Wednesday. Be a darling and book a ticket before it's sold out 😘

There are tickets left for the 6pm showing today! It's not too late to go to a socially distanced live comedy event in Leeds (unless of course you live more than 3 hours away from Leeds, in which case it's definitely too late)

#FourSeasons

This week has been a kick in the groin so far. What are you doing to get you through? (Any working-full-time-whilst-homeschooling-as-a-lone-parent tips welcome 🙏)

I'm thinking of having every single completed worksheet tattooed across my body. It wouldn't take long. #homeschool

She’s only gone and entered a competition where she needs to share it on Twitter #RealestPersonOnEarth