First time at the pubs in 7 months and I see and a unicorn at the pub man, what a rush 🍺😍

Alexa play me for 3 months and dump me like everyone else

Jade said she'd never watch an episode of game of thrones in her life and now she's dancing to the theme song in the middle of the living room

Oh to be a fly on the wall

First time on the wheel dancefloor in over a year and I've broken a toe

This week on Shetland

Go for a pint of milk and end up in Afghanistan

Don't think my mate likes the new cod

Doing a home blood test and instead of swinging my arm then pricking my finger I pricked my finger then swung my arm and now the living room looks like there's been a murder 🤦

No chance my old man's just said we're leaving to a waiter cause they don't have red tins at the lerwick hotel 😂😂😂

Out for a meal and me and dad were gonna go halves on pudding but I "here comes the airplaned" him and now he won't eat it 😂

Jade was crying her eyes out when we got home last night thinking the cat had gone missing but she'd just accidentally locked her in a cupboard hahahahah

Reckon this trial is gonna be a nill nill

Something about watching my cat attacking a way bigger cat in the garden that makes me proud

Mum thought that the higher the rotten tomato score the shitter the film was and she's not been watching good movies for years hahahahahah

Tattie fucking waffles

Jesus Christ that's Jason Bourne

Man you really can't beat a pub poop

My dad when mum brings a chocolate bar home from the shop

Penalty to Rangers.