Ok so for the 5% of you that have sense and know I’m not the damn show, what’s all this sweepstakes business? Hell you can see all the sharks you want 5 feet off the shore at Myrtle Beach

Well since you’re all gonna botch-tag me tonight trying to win an all expense paid trip to the Red Lobster in Davenport, IA here’s some killer advice. The best account on Twitter is @mulltoons - follow her. Laugh. Cry. Thank me later.

Average no of followers for those that tweet me about a sweepstakes = 23.4

#publishersclearinghousesweepstakes

Bucket list ✅ my fav memory as a kid was SB 15 seeing Ron Jaworski super shiny green helmet on tv under the Superdome lights. Tx jaws!

So none of you <100 friend bums are winning your dopey sweepstakes anytime soon, but I did almost win a hot dog race tonight

Welp this is how my day’s starting today, I got this lovely tagged delight... Dudes I’m not the tv show. Oh well what else ya got for me America you goofy asses?

If you’re gonna off yourself thanks to the #StockMarketCrash2020 why not consider suicide by shark?

How bout all you disease ridden hack billies stay outta the ocean. Salt can only clean so much.

Usually this week I’m bombarded by morons asking if sharks shit while they’re eating. Not this year, see 2020 ain’t so bad ✌🏼

Great now even more people will tweet me hoping to win some dopey inflatable shark

Do you know why?

If Mahomes loses to LV State Farm’s gonna drop him for Kang #nfl