Just watched a 5 minute The Dodo story about some lady rehabbing and bonding with an injured tarantula she found outside and anyway long story short, I need to go back to a flip phone.

Pretty cool how dogs are like yup farts aren't anything.

So help me god, if my Postmates order isn’t perfect and on time I will show my utter dissatisfaction by adding a nice tip like all the other times.

psst it’s not a bad photo that’s what you look like I’m so sorry I know this sucks

To dads: here’s to eating the leftovers, hauling all the things, making boring stuff fun, playing princesses, encouraging art, laughing at dumb jokes, giving mom a break, function way over fashion, beer breaks, doing whatever it takes, accepting and embracing whoever they are.

I love motorcycle gangs because they’re like, “you guys wanna ride to the same places together in matching jackets?” So sick.

What if I’m just fat now.

Remember how In Twister there was ANOTHER group of storm chasers that were “in it for the money” and we were all like yeah that makes sense that’s a logical plot sure ok show us the tornado cow.

Not here much these days, but felt it important to come back to say this: That confused dog meme is the greatest thing the internet has ever produced. Okay, bye.

My wife wrote a beautiful piece about being an adoptee. adoptee-voices.com/ezine-root-tre…

I’m calling it now, Wrexham AFC will beat Blackburn Blackburn Rovers.

I’ll vote for whoever promises to get cheeseburgers back to an eatable height.

It’s the only time I race to twitter. 4.7 Thousand Oaks. #earthquake

Ticketmaster, any chance you could make the whole experience of interacting with your website and app just a little shittier? I feel like you could get it to the worst fucking thing ever with just the tiniest effort.

Still true.

Favorite Fuqua movie?

I think we can all agree, we need better choices.

It’s as bad as we all knew it would be.

How does it work can he go back into the pet sematary one more time and get extra energy?

Pretty epic, Jeff Probst!