I got dinner with a friend recently & we talked about my engagement and her recent herpes scare. It was a real Regina George’s mom moment for me

I can’t tell if my sports bras are getting tighter because I accidentally put them in the dryer or because I gained 20 pounds during COVID but I will keep telling myself it’s the dryer thing

We all know a Kyle who has a problem with stimulants

If you ever let a guy talk you into not having to wear a condom, do not worry about what’s in the vaccine

I’m watching Game of Thrones for the first time and I feel like I’d have a lot in common with Ygritte

Sometimes I think I’m old and then I have mornings like this where I am remembering the guy who sold me molly last night was an actor and is making his Broadway debut soon and I told him I would come to support him ?!?

I have been never turned down a Jell-O shot on my life and I’m real proud of that

✨cries in old✨

We started this account 10 years ago in a dorm room as 18 year old morons. We are now 28 year old married morons. We’re *back* on this account & ready to give you some more grl prbs, but they’re less frat party & more like… bachelorette party (Don’t worry - we still binge drink)

Honestly we should all be blacking out for Betty tonight. It’s our DUTY.

Hello I am hungover

Did anyone else already forget they were gonna do dry January and accidentally fail on day 1

“Drink more water” is for sure a 2022 resolution, but this is an extreme suggestion

The dead rat I almost just tripped over walking into work is a reflection of 2022 thus far. Things are looking BRIGHT, my friends.

having your courtesy invites decline your wedding is an underrated feeling

For someone whose most recent notification was from 1 week ago, I sure spend a lot of time on a Instagram 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I’m in my late 20s, so that means I still do coke but now I 100% make sure to put my night guards in so I don’t fuck up my teeth grinding them

I accidentally took a caffeine pill instead of a sleeping pill last night and I’ve never felt more betrayed in my life