If they ever make a biopic about Jim Caviezel, Jesus should play him.

Super excited for this Barbiehymen double feature.

Kinda ironic that the tagline for Oppenheimer is “Try That In a Small Town”

Greta Gerwig just became the highest grossing female director in North America, passing Karla Homolka.

She can’t

Gift of the Magi sounds like the name of an ICP album.

I’m writing a biopic about Hitler. It’s called You Are So Not Invited To My Bat Mitzvah.

Mila Kunis: [writes letter in support of Danny Masterson] Judge: Shut up, Meg.

Prescient!

Granted my reading comprehension isn’t that good, but Bo Burnham jacked somebody off in a theater?

I typed “scab” into AI art and it drew Barrymore

Whenever Will Smith gets a divorce we should call that Independence Day.

If Chris Rock really wanted to mess with Will Smith he would’ve called his last special All Handz On Me.

Well, we can all cross this grouping of words off our 2023 bingo card

My mom getting me circumcised was the first time a girl took my hoodie.

My ex is a Taylor Swift fan so as revenge I’ve only been streaming the Scooter Braun versions of her songs.

I’m so white I thought T’Challa was short for Timothee Chalamet.

Ok it’s safe to stare at the sun again.

Me: Come to my comedy show, Alec. Alec Baldwin: Me: Come to my comedy show, Alec. Say “Ha ha” when I do my funny jokes, Alec. Alec Baldwin: Me: You killled a lady, Alec. You killed a lady and got away with it, Alec. Alec Baldwin: Me: Come to my comedy show, Alec.

It would’ve been a direct hit if he wasn’t making fun of someone with Parkinson’s.