Let’s challenge our friendship! #BoardKings bit.ly/tsoutbk

Maybe mama duck isn't leading her babies, maybe she's trying to outrun them.

When you're forced to sit and chill for months due to a injury/surgery, it forces you to listen to God (He's... fb.me/7jY8mnkoi

When customers say, I thought they were going to tell you why I'm being transferred. Bish where? You called when I'm getting off. BYE

Me:I wish you would be a gd boy all the time. 5yo:Tomorrow is a better day for me to be a gd boy. #ReleaseTheBeast

Sure I'm a pleasant person, 0.01% of the time. The other 99.9% I'm socially uninspired. Happy Sunday

Amen x.com/DearSecretStor…

My shitty tweets aren't for everyone, and that's kind of the point.

5yo: mommy Aidan is up to something. Guess the name of my 5yo. You guessed it, Aidan. Who tells on themselves? #needsattention

Trypophobia.

I'm too in lovewith the moon and stars to be fearful of the night.

Yaaasss x.com/myonlymizztake…

Drowning, slowly suffocating.

Toothless smiles are the most gorgeous.

This is what i get with male callers x.com/50NerdsofGrey/…

I tell my kids when they grow up they'll wish they had a mom like me. #lifelesson

I've exceeded my "use by" date.

Current situation x.com/SardonicTart/s…