2020 has taught me so much. Like if aliens started invading Earth half of America would be like “no they’re not.”

Here to tell y’all don’t put your air fryer too close to the wall you’ll melt your light switch. Thank me later for this tweet.

I don’t say y’all in real life it’s purely my Twitter persona

My maintenance man when I call to tell him I melted my light switch after I called him yesterday to tell him I hung so many clothes up that they broke my closet shelves off the wall

When I realized rent was due right after my NYC thrift shopping spree

How is it possible that it’s 97 degrees outside so I’ve texted 9 people and not one of them want to come over to cook eggs on the sidewalk

Note to self: do NOT respond with “bonjour” when a man texts you about going on a date they do not like that

Y’all ever driving and think woah this is crazy I am going so fast

Only 9am and already hit a curb and bought a $6 coffee let’s get it

Had no idea the jo bros had the whole city of Boston in an absolute fuckin chokehold

Getting a crow tattoo tomorrow after my love for Sheryl Crow do not tell me this is a bad idea or I’ll block you

Went to the dentist last week and might’ve gone from a 6 to a 7 I’ll be going to the dentist 1x a week now

When talking business no one really talks about how Kleenex dominated the tissue industry enough

Is this how everyone texts their sister or just me

Turkeys in downtown boston today