Every day, it's just "1.2 million children will die because of cuts to vaccine programs" "College student abducted by ICE for political views" "FartCoin has reached a market cap of $1.2 billion"

I apologise for the delayed response to your email, I have enormous personal flaws that I refuse to work on

WHATS WITH THESE HOMIES SHOOTING MY GIRL

Fuck yeah November

As far as I'm concerned, the only legal definition of a woman should be: When Shania Twain says, "let's go girls", do you go? If so, girl.

if your boss calls you a rockstar just know you’re getting underpaid

“what’s the song of the summer” ?? it’s DANCING IN THE DARK by bruce springsteen for the 41st year in a row

*looking up after 7 straight hours of being on my phone* “there literally aren’t enough hours in the day to get anything done”

myles garrett was definitely telling the truth

Relevant open.spotify.com/track/7x4SfPFn…

Looks cool and all but it would be better if he was a computer-generated chimpanzee

Holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit

Feels like the day the magic died was when we all realized Sufjan wasn't actually releasing an album for all 50 states.

Your band isn't dadrock unless the headliner plays first so we can all get home at a reasonable time.

Ding dong the bitch is dead

My working theory is that Jesus was just the first documented autistic. He had a hyper fixation on ancient Hebrew literature and a penchant for closeup magic.

LeBron never did that

A fun site for good time: howbigishell.com

I mean what are we doing New York Times Games