Silver, naturally

Squirrel girl

My great uncle asked me "have you been on any suicidal train journeys recently?". He meant rollercoasters

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Those who complain about the environmentally-friendly attached caps on drinks bottles really do have a skill issue with drinking

Company laptops don't allow flash drive access, so I got around that by using a USB-C dock to plug it into my phone

America trying to annex Canada when really they should be separating down into smaller entities instead

Sometimes I respect my calorie intake. Sometimes I make the unhealthiest bacon and chorizo mac and cheese you’ve ever seen

I wish I could go to the early 90s where memorising a massive list of countries and capitals would get you on an episode of You Bet! but now it just gets you branded as autistic

Went to a gig on international women's day and ofc they played The Prodigy's top hit Smack My Bitch Up during the interval

There's a common cycle of me being active on dating apps for about a week, stopping because I've become attracted to a woman I know IRL, failing that endeavour, then putting off dating apps again for about half a year

So considerate for daylight savings time to start on the night before mother's day, making that night seem marginally less worth it for a late night out, to discourage hangovers during any mother's day plans

My Morning Routine

In an email battle with Virgin Media ❤️, I have become upset enough to change my usual "kind regards" farewell to simply "regards", and it's certainly up there with one of the most Mark Corrigan things I've ever done

Add "loaded" to any non-delicate menu item to make it 1.5× as appealing

#Eurovision should close their voting and then reveal they're not counting any votes where one person has voted for the same artist 20 times. These people clearly haven't given much consideration into all the performers and/or have political motives

restaurants should have a menu option called “the rat” that lets you scurry around and eat leftovers ppl wont finish. the waiter could ask guests if they’d like a box or if they’d like to send it “to the rat”

Was meant to have a client call today but my digestive system said otherwise