I got a storage unit so I guess you’re all invited to my 39th birthday party

I was waiting for the light to change at this intersection for like three minutes before i realized it was a stop sign

Ah yes, my favorite white noise setting to WFH to: “parents argue over who misplaced the Tupperware | 4K”

Rereminded I do not like it here and I hate humidity

so is the government going to be paying for teachers guns and ammunition or should they be adding that to their Amazon wishlists

Just napped in my car In lot 18. It's like I never graduated

21 hours later....Time to relax, unwind, and slip gently into a coma for three days

Carol marcovsky: " is this charger for a phone or an electric razor"

All is fair in love, war, and grocery store parking lots.

Can't wait to rip this family's flesh off nice and quick

I requested kaytranada and no one knew the song so they all sat down and cleared the dance floor and it's my proudest moment.

"Gobble, gobble, go easy on the throttle" -Tennessee highway authority, 2017

Why is the Costco bakery playing early years Eminem

Guess who's elevated liver enzymes turned out to be a result of daily stevia consumption and not excessive drinking on the weekends 🙋

Its Basel week, Prada has a pop up nightclub, but according 2 Fox News the biggest story out of Miami tonight is a large python being caught

I Guess today's the day I get a job

People are actually in this department store publicly and loudly discussing the softness factor of varying toilet papers

Just found this and I can hear mrs c. s. screaming "ITS TANGERINE" like she's here next to me

Does anyone else rewatch Beyoncé’s 2013 landmark of a super bowl performance after being let down every year subsequent or is that just me

Let’s play “do I look bad in glasses, or am I always ugly but too blind to tell”