These taste like shit ass fart butt crap

If you don’t have acne scars I’m like oh so you’re a cartoon character

I should’ve been a nurse I’d look so good in scrubs with a stethoscope around my neck

Mom waking me up asking if I want to buy the plot next to theirs in the cemetery for when I die

Basically I wake up and hit my vape and get taken to outer fucking space👽👽👽🚀🚀🚀🚀🪐🪐🪐🪐👽🪐🚀🚀

Oh you want to steam carrots?? Literally cancel all plans and appointments for the week

I sleep with my phone, laptop, and iPad all within tongues length of my face at night…basically sleeping in a microwave and I’m wondering why my head hurts all the time and I can’t hold onto a thought for more than 5 seconds

Whenever a gay guy is married I’m always like in the normal way or the gay way?

Basically spent my entire day sulking about my ex dream crush who doesn’t exist and was completely a figment of my subconscious

We live in a world where every interaction you have with a stranger could just be material for their podcast… so honestly just give them something to talk about

Take the highest number you can possibly think of. Now double it. That’s how many Oreos I just ate

Gonna watch a nature documentary! Is everyone mad at me???

but all my prayers already went to Bad Bunny’s knee recovery😭😭😭

San Francisgender

When I was a kid and explaining to my dad why I had heels on

Clean Bandit, Charlie xcx, Bhad Bhabie

It’s always the people with ear wax caked up airpods talking about how Apple Music sound quality is better like you don’t hear a difference

Was just in the bathroom so long that when I reentered my room it felt unfamiliar

Ms. Briggs played the bagpipes and was obsessed with Randy Jackson😂