[ Laying down in the snow, looking at the sky. No stars tonight, no. Too many clouds. ]

🥀 //im getting into writing more, ive made two fanfictions over at archive of our own. three more in the works. my user is MentalBird, you'll know me if you see me there. most of it is self indulgent admittedly but i need something to quell the thoughts telling me to k!ll myself

🥀 // i don't know if my antidepressants are working today. i feel worse than i have all week, but then again i made the mistake of thinking of something that made me sad again. dunno which it could be. maybe both.

🥀 // i am. so tiredd. will be on after a anap. i wokee up at 5 and béen up since. latere

[ Listening to music in the pod.. He looks sad today. ]

🥀 // ive got a lot of shit to work on, so i probably won't be around too often. busy busy busy and all that what have you.

I wish I could go to a planet that had only dogs on it. That'd be awesome. I'd call it Awesome Planet 9 and I could pet dogs all day. So cool. [ What's bro yapping about now— ]

🥀 // at least with my pot and prozac i can stop feeling this terrible, painful numb. i honestly haven't been this depressed since my nan died. pity it all. damn.

[ Quietly listening to "Wear Your Love Like Heaven" by Donovan. Huh. ]

🥀 // not dead, still alive. as long as i dont think on things too much hopefully that'll stay that way. if anyone wants to feel free to DM me dating advice. not seeing anyone for a long time as far as im concerned, i just wanna know what i did wrong. do better. fix myself.

🥀 // no one cares how loud i scream for help, people as bad and worthless as i don't get help. we rot and decay. this is my punishment for not being enough. to hurt, and to never se the sunlight again. forever in my pit.

🥀 // nothing can hurt you if you're too disconnected from this terrible fucking reality to feel it :) im handling life GREAT btw everyone 👍

🥀 i got too hopeful, and once again, it came back to bite me in the ass. whatever. don't mean much to me anyways. nothing does anymore.

🥀 // probably another fuck up i did myself.. talked too much, maybe got the date and time wrong. all those. most definitely my fault still. shouldn't go blaming others for my failures.

🥀 // clinking. its constant. pisses me off. fucking thing needs to be quiet. don't wanna fuck with it in case it starts making a screeching noise again. i have enough i gotta buy this month.

🥀 // officially two months. i wanna kill the gods, but it's not their fault. they know im angry and hurting but they love me still. im grateful for them.