I don’t care who hates me because I love me

Trust no one. Except dogs.

Wiener tingles aren’t love, guys.

The resemblance is uncanny.....

She’s probably making out on her couch right now with someone new.

If I were well adjusted I sure as fuck wouldn't be here

I don't have an inside voice I just yell all the time

Fuck this ….. Fuck that …. Fuck him …. Fuck her….Fuck them …. Fuck you ….Fuck me …. Fuck no …. Fuck yes … Fuck off. ~ My thoughts on my coworkers today

Bro.

Happy dumb fake holiday everybody

Saw a Twitter Crush valentines card at Hallmark and thought of you. [Gestures at everyone here]

men be like. aw she's sweet lets ruin her perception of love forever.

My plans for Valentine’s Day are just continuing to be a harlot.

You may not know now but later you will understand.

Me everytime my dog is eating some mystery item: Well, he lived a good life.

Another cool thing about setting boundaries is you can see who people really are

all men are liars, just pick the tall one & move on

What if we made out at the Wendy’s greenhouse

So many boobs so little time

If you’re the praying type, I’d ask you to take a moment of your time to pray for my family. We could use it. 🙏