The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I'd like to masturbate in the cup... I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet."

Time traveller arrives in 1994: “in 2019 Donald Trump and Imran Khan are simultaneously trying to avert nuclear war” *everyone listening has a stroke*

It's amazing how you find tiny made-up reasons to kill each other and ignore enormous actual things that will kill everybody.

#subeditorporn instagram.com/p/B0Z_PCuByiv/…

Confirmation that Steve Smith bats in his sleep cricket.com.au/news/match-rep… #Ashes

Unbelievable catch. Wish I’d been one of the 7 people in the crowd

I agree. The Gruen Team

How many red cards can you count here.... Rugby World Cup SA get the penalty 🤣🤣

Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter can be said to remedy anything.

Dear future generations: Please accept our apologies. We were rolling drunk on petroleum.

Read this.

What if the Christmas school holidays were brought forward? Kids get 7 weeks now and it becomes a “winter break”. Term 4 could finish the week before Christmas & return the week after New Years. It’d mean no need to home school as the kids would be on leave.. #COVID19Aus

👍🏾🙂

Credit to Pat Rick on Facebook for putting this together! Peter Siddle’s birthday hat-trick (Test Match Edition). Absolute gold 👏👏

The reviews are in . They are unprintable. Yours may not be.

There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want. CALVIN AND HOBBES

Boon, Hughes then Marsh.... in that order.