14? Geez, that's. . . A lot. I mean, I've just got me an' my brother, but 15 kids seems like a bit of a push. How'd you manage all of 'em?

// If you want to know how Proton talks just watch that video of the New York cabbie counting to 100 in French

A Wii remote? Either that's a really hard Wii remote or a really flimsy TV, 'cause I KNOW you have to throw 'em like you're pitching a baseball to actually break anything. [He'd know, he accidentally broke his uncle's TV during a very heated match of Wii tennis-]

Yeah, I'm sure they do— Let's, uh. . . Let's move on from that. Pronto. [Excuse him, he really doesn't like talking about dad stuff.]

Oh, for real? I saw the fattest fuckin' slowpoke the other day, I swear. I gave it the lightest tap and it jiggled! [Nice save, Elise.] I dunno what they eat but it's gotta be somethin' heavy, it looked like it was made of jello.

I'm gonna call him Borger if I ever see him, you know that right? [He's trying so hard not to laugh, so damn hard. He keeps a deadpan expression but occasionally his lips twitch as he struggles. Lemme get uhh... borger.]

Uh, I dunno. Kids don't really like me, they're either scared of me or they think I'm one of 'em. [In the defense of children everywhere, he does look about 16. He's 24.] But, I guess I COULD meet 'em. . . For a bit.

Why'd I comment on 'er eyes? [It's a fair point, he doesn't have any reason to bring them up. They can't be that strange, his own eyes are bright pink!] I'm not gonna be a dick to a kid, I do have SOME morals. Minimal morals, but morals. Heh.

. . . You want me to kick their asses? 'Cause you know I'll do it. [Proton you can't just do that to people.]

That just means you're raisin' a good kid. If they're so mad about it maybe they should try teachin' their kids respect so she don't have to do it for 'em. I used to do the same thing, 'cept I was getting bullied for my hair. I used to have it real long, I'd get called a girl.

Why talk things out when a punch in the nose gives you immediate results? I get her logic, I do. It's sound. [Don't side with the 9 year old— He nods in understanding.]

Or maybe she's just a kid refusin' guidance. Sometimes they just. . . Turn out like that. Sometimes they run away from home, cut their hair in a shitty nightclub bathroom and start threatenin' folks, sometimes they kiII people when they're eleven. That's just kids.

From the way you've talked about her, I'm guessin' your kid won't be a li'l kiIIer. You've raised her better than that.

I mean, the best you can do is embrace the way your kid's turned out instead of comparing her to different kids. That's an inferiority complex waitin' to happen, bub.

2AM? Weirdly specific. Didn't know you lived with an Aerodactyl. Then again, you don't have to live with some pink guy scuttling around trying to eat your fuckin' Pringles. [He's not sure if Elise has met Administrator Psyche the Pringle thief yet, but it's worth warning her.]

I kinda get it? I'm always ready to scream, though. I don't even have to force it at this point, I've done it so much it just. . . Goes. I don't even like Pringles that much, they're too salty! He just ate 'em 'cause they were in MY side of the food cabinet!

Galar, ah? I think I knew a guy from there. Or maybe it was Kalos. . . I dunno, which is the one where they speak the weird Baguette language and the number 97 is just four numbers in a row for just one number? Four twenties, ten and seven or some shit.

Yo, back up. I don't speak Croissant au Chocolat. [He has nooo clue what she just said to him.] As for her Pokémon, aren't most 10 year olds runnin' around with straight-up Legendary Pokémon these days?

Remember that time I mixed every Gatorade flavor and drank it? ...Wanna watch me do it again?

(picrew.me/image_maker/18…) He is: looking.