“You seem really stressed and busy so we are going to stop working for you to give you a little break. Should totally help. Thank us later.” - Any technological device/app I am currently relying on

Yo mama jokes hit different when you say them to your kids

found my teenager crying in his room. he wasn't really sure why either, but when I asked what I could do to help he said he just wanted a hug. so we sat on his bed embracing each other in silence while he cried. that was so incredibly gut wrenching and sweet at the same time.

Nothing endears kids to their teachers quite like seeing them employ zero of the writing skills they’ve learned all year correctly in their end of school year thank you cards

My son refused to share with his younger brother and lost his temper when he was called out. Later, I asked him what lesson he learned, and he said, “sharing is caring?” Now I can’t decide whether I should be more angry for him being a smart ass or extremely proud of his humor

There are two types of people: those that can relax or start a new project 30 minutes before having to leave somewhere, and those that pace around anxiously watching the clock until it’s time to go. And they marry each other.

Kid’s Birthday, Year 1: Over the top birthday party, photo album, creates video montage. Kid’s Birthday, Year 9: *Forgets to ask what kid wants then rushes Amazon Prime overnight. Blows up a balloon.

At what age can we be done with gift/goodie bags for kids birthday parties? Do 9/10 year olds really need useless party favors?

Happy “seriously more fireworks at this time of night?” day and week to you all. Good luck parents of littles.

Just saw an ad to “experience an African Safari on a budget” with a video of a lion running at the camera. Advertisers: this is perhaps the one place where it’s okay to upsell the cost.

Today my son removed all stickers from his door, walls, and furniture. He is getting “too old for them.” I hated them and the messiness I saw every time I walked into his room. So tell me why I’m crying over here as I sadly help him tear away his childhood one by one.

The me who packs for a trip and the me who shoves everything back into the suitcase when heading home are two entirely different people who wouldn’t recognize each other.

My kids complain a lot about food for people who don’t cook

When it comes to kids, sometimes the best plans are no plans at all

I worry about not giving my kids enough attention. I worry about hovering too much. I worry I’m not exposing my kids to enough. I worry about exposing them too soon. I worry they won’t make enough friends. I worry they’ll make the wrong friends. Good thing parenting is easy.

They talk about core memories for kids, but I just took my kids to their first wedding, and seeing them in their little suits and dancing with them is an incredible core memory for me.

Happy - rush to clean your entryway even though only children really come to the door and won’t care or judge but you’re gonna rage clean anyway - day!

The other day I saw an old woman struggling on the stairs with a large bag. Instead of asking if she needed help, I asked if she wanted me to take her bag. She quickly said no and moved quicker down the stairs. At least I’m a polite, awkward thief.