"New year, new m--"

I sent Kylo a get better soon card. He isn't sick. I just think he could do better. #StarWars

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Kylo, stop asking if I'll go out with you #ValentinesDay #StarWars

Oh, so when Zac Effron rewrites the stars, it's a romantic gesture, but when I do it, it's "a crime against humanity"? #ValentinesDay #StarWars

April Fools' Day:

When you've been a good boi and haven't smashed company equipment or thrown public tantrums or attempted to assassinate your boss, yet you still haven't appeared in a #StarWars trailer:

DoN't bE So SaLty, HuX.

You have literally tried to stab every father figure in your life.

Nobody: Literally nobody: Kylo Ren:

Every passing moment, I understand Luke Skywalker's decision to stop shaving, sever all communication, run into the wilderness and hide under a pile of rocks for the rest of his life more and more. #StarWars #RiseOfSkywalker #StarWarsIX

Sometimes I wonder if all of this is happening to me because I didn't forward that one message to 10 people.

Do coworkers count?

Kylo: I'm crying. You made me CRY. Hux: Baby... Kylo: Don't try to sweet talk me. Hux: I'm calling you a baby. Hux: I'm insulting you.

The First Order is taking social distancing to the next level. #SocialDistancing #StayHome #StarWars

Bold of Twitter to assume that I want to slide into anything other than a coma.

Nailed it. #StarWarsDay #StarWars

Ah, just what I've always wanted: To simulate being handcuffed like runaway convicts with manacles engraved with a personal identification. Sounds just kidnap-y enough for Ren and Rey.