i dont like when people have tall grandmas

i like to believe, even as an atheist, that the amount of money i’ve donated to wikipedia this year ($6) will grant me entrance to the kingdom of heaven

if my ex likes another one of my instagram stories this week i’m sending him a get well soon card via snail mail

i’m done with “hi, how are you?”… I wanna know which of the 7 deadly sins did you last commit ?

the only instagram notifications I get are for when dolly parton makes a post. and every time she does I make sure to thank her

does stressing about the four pounds i’ve gained burn any calories

what kind of notification is this ?? shut up !

he will be supportive of anything

it never occurred to me to use chatGPT for evil. this is how I use chatGPT: “I have a carrot, marinara sauce, and saltines. WHAT recipe can I make?”

my car bluetooth was still connected to my self help audiobook when the toyota employee got in and now he knows I’m a highly sensitive person in love

dudes love to pick out 8 tshirts in high school and then wear them until they die

why is goat cheese in everything FUCK !!!!

paul dano the type to get you the right tampons at the grocery store

really excited to be back on twitter dot com. really just wanted a safe space to admit I am actually a massive fan of impractical jokers

when i was a young girl, a boy telling me my joke was funny was like getting a girlscout badge and now it feels more like someone shooting me in the chest with a g*n

Only one can be Americas next top model