Maturing is finally reading that book you used to snort coke off.

Days like today remind me why I cut the toxic people out of my life so I could grow. And I mean that disrespectfully.

Comics love saying “my therapist told me” knowing damn well your toxic lil ass ain’t going to therapy.

I love stirring the pot on tiktok and then just watching people fight on my comment section. It’s a hobby for me now

I wore my retainer 2 nights in a row. This wicked level of responsibility is gonna make someone fall in love with me.

Stuff my ass with Texas Road House rolls if I ever get a BBL

Virgo men will literally be the death of me. Stop being so fucking charming.

I love driving by a speed check and actually driving the speed limit. (Evil laugh) better luck next time buddy

Telling me you like my lisp does not feel like a compliment lol

I hate to be a bully but this girl at the gym is barefoot on the treadmill and I really think she should go to jail for that.

I love when comics refer to anyone that’s not a comic as “regular people”

Agency life is where creatives go to die

shout out to the women in the hot dog eating contest who ate 2 dogs in 5 minutes… no competitive streak no urgency just taking the stage for a light lunch

Are we actually going to work today?

Going to threads. Y’all need anything?

I’m back. I was trying out Threads

Do these people have no survival instincts? Why are they all just standing there with bullets flying?

My ears after listening to Ingrid Andress sing The National Anthem

Just watched a man put a cigarette out in his dead foot #whatisnewyork

Shopping with your mom: “You find anything you can’t live without?”