boy math is when he does the oil changes and snow shoveling and she does the cooking and laundry and he decides they have equal workloads because they both do two chores

So just to recap, our unelected head of state has given a position in Britain's unelected House of Lords to an unelected foreign secretary, on the recommendation of an unelected prime minister

When Shania Twain says “Let’s Go, Girls” and I’m two rooms away

Working as a janitor and I stop as I see the incomplete lyrics to Blank Space on a chalkboard.

Beginning my seasonal LOTR marathon and reminiscing on my best work yet

He hid in a fridge from a breakfast TV interview.

Mary Magdalene’s besties in the group chat:

AskAubry 🦋 🐆🦝 If a woman is ever stranded alone on a dessert island, all she has to do is say something and some dude will show up to correct her. Then she can eat him.

“enjoy your twenties, these are the best years of your life” the twenties:

Me lying to my family about my depression

Historically a good time for a comeback

Oh come on - how the fuck am I supposed to parody that?!

waiter: ugh, that awful group is back jesus: hi! just 13 waters, please

I want him to start his own NATION so he can just blab on to them and spare the rest of us from hearing about how he spends every minute of his life in joyless pursuit of living longer based on following what are often questionable recommendations

might quit my job to focus on actually putting away my laundry

this is class 👏 men’s football is just as important as normal football