Why did God invent Jameson whiskey? So the Irish would never rule the world!

What did the man with slab of asphalt under his arm order? "A beer please, and one for the road."

What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!

How can you find the guy who drank a case of Coors Light? He's the one dancing like an asshole!

What?s the difference between a G-Spot and a bottle of Jack Daniels? A guy will actually SEARCH for a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Why does Corona go through your system so fast? Because it does not have to stop to change color

What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football? The sofa doesn't keep asking for Bud Light!

What do blondes and bottle of Corona have in common? They?re both empty from the neck up!

What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common? Both of them make men start talking nonsense!

Why do gynecologists only drink Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and Smirnoff Vodka? "Pabst Smir!"

I'm not an alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, but I already have one.

I'm not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings, I'm a drunk, we go to parties.

You lost me at "non-alcoholic"

Tim Howard has set a World Cup World Record by making 16 saves in one game. Most ever in a World Cup game.

Have you heard about the new Arsenal Bra? It has a lot of support but no cups.

A pound coin was thrown onto the pitch at Ibrox. Police are trying to determine whether it was a missile or a takeover bid.

BREAKING NEWS: Emile Heskey just went on a large shooting spree in Birmingham? No-one was hit.

Man United have rested Wayne Rooney, Robin van Persie and Howard Webb for next week?s game against Swansea.

BREAKING NEWS: David Blaine?s 40-day world record for doing nothing inside a box has been broken by Fernando Torres.

What do you get if you see a Leeds United fan buried up to his neck in sand? More sand