I witnessed today, on a residential footpath, a man in a dashing suit turn around and exclaim to a fluffy ginger cat "Look can you stop following me little mate, I'm not your Dad!"

Ready. #ABLvsBIL

When I arrived home last night and announced I'd lost my bra at work, my boyfriend put his arms up and whooped like I'm a stripper.

I wish I wish, in finals like this, that there was an overtime rule.

Kieran Read; you legend.

Hey yo just found this in the new drawers we bought on TradeMe. At least someone is a winner tonight #amiright

Some dude just commented "nice parking... for a chick" 😶 haha

Fuuuuck 😑

Just mouthed "sorry" to the driver my taxi cut off. This is a goddamn death trap. I am embarrassed.

Awful dream last night that my bf broke up w me.. Woke up, saw him asleep & remember actually thinking: ha ha you're still here jokes on you

Just overheard at work: "I know you don't actually want to talk to me, you just wanna touch my knees"

Just reminded of the time a weta came up in my Insta feed & I flung my phone into a gang of 8 yummy mummys sitting at the neighbouring table

Been researching dishwashers but waited patiently for Labour Day sales today so I could purchase it and what holy fck I'm an old person

HA!!

Outta ma waaaaay, people mover

I was woken about 15 times by dreams in the night and 3 of those were of *JOHANN SEBASTIAN BACHLAVA THE DOCTOR* with chocolate cake

thespinoff.co.nz/tv/03-03-2018/…

Mumma just used the term "one weetbik" (yes my choice of spelling) and I really liked it but spent the rest of the phone call considering if the cereal can be described singular