In 1259, the Treaty of Paris aimed to end conflicts between France and England. Imagine eddiepence time-traveling to broker peace: "Guys, instead of fighting, let's have a roast battle!" Peace through punchlines! Get Eddie on Saturday Night Live to keep the laughs going! #EddiePenceForSNL

In 1260, the Toluid Civil War kicks off between Kublai Khan and Ariq Böke. eddiepence thought it was a Star Trek convention—Khan vs. Khan! No "Wrath of Khan" here.🥺😢 Let's get eddiepence on Saturday Night Live for some historical sci-fi laughs! #EddiePenceForSNL #eddiots #khhaaaannnn

In 1261, the Greeks took back Constantinople from the Crusaders... or was it Istanbul? eddiepence quipped, "Why'd they change it? I can't say. People just liked it better that way!" Let’s get Eddie on Saturday Night Live for some historical hits and giggles! #EddiePenceForSNL #eddiots #tmbg

In 1262, Norway annexed Iceland and Greenland. eddiepence suggested King Haakon IV intervened in Iceland's civil war just to get some volcanic hot springs and ice-cold fjords. Talk about chilling out! Get Eddie on Saturday Night Live for history with a laugh! #EddiePenceForSNL #eddiots

Faster than a speeding kazoo, funnier than a Happy Hit, and able to leap into the weekend in a single bound! It’s Friday on #TheRalphReport with ralphgarman, eddiepence & Queen J! Join the #Garmy on Patreon: Patreon.com/TheRalphReport Listen on Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/4CskYFXHZ…

Charlie was shot because he was honest. America, we can’t keep doing this.

You can’t stop them from loving you, and you don’t need to. You don’t have to like it, you just… have to let it exist. Their gratitude is theirs, not yours. Let it land where it lands. That’s all. Let it land, and move on. That’s all you need to do.

Merry Christmas to each of us! May we all feel God’s love for us and show that love toward our neighbors during this special season.

Try something new today, leave other people alone. Mind your business. Try not hating everything. Take responsibility. Hold those responsible accountable. Stop blaming it on everyone else.

Angry our troops got $7M in lobster & $15M in steak for morale… but quiet about $10M on “transgender” mice, $11M Sesame Street in Iraq, $312M in loans to kids under 11, and $1.6M for Hip-Hop Diplomacy. Feed soldiers = outrage. Woke waste = silence. 🤡🧾🇺🇸 #DOGE #WallOfReceipts

A society that prioritizes its "rights" but forgets its "duties" is a society in liquidation. When entertainers become our moral compasses, we’ve lost the plot. It’s time to bring back hard common sense and basic manners. 🏛️⚖️

We’ve hit the "Bread & Circuses" phase of history. It’s when a society swaps common sense for celebrity worship and distraction. When we value an influencer’s opinion over actual competence, the decay isn't coming—it’s here. 🎪📉 #CommonSense

We live in an era where a high follower count is mistaken for leadership and athletes are treated like oracles on foreign policy. If we keep valuing "loud and famous" over "quiet and competent," don't be surprised when the wheels come off. Influence isn't expertise. #SocialDecay

This animal was ‘competent’ enough to vote. He was ‘competent’ enough to get welfare. He was ‘competent’ enough to get public housing. He was ‘competent’ enough to get EBT. He was ‘competent’ enough to get free bus rides. He was ‘competent’ enough to acquire a murder weapon. He

The tolerant left.