Been awhile since I've been to the gym, but trying to get back in shape. I'm pretty active at work but haven't gone out of my way to workout or anything. I'm up 15 lbs (185, goal weight ~200) though! Hit 300 for 12 on leg press today. Proud of myself. The sun is so fucked.

Watching hear me out cakes on tiktok with the love of my life and how is she gonna turn to me and be like "Nicolas Cage" WHAT "Liam Neeson" WHAAAT?!

Hope my therapist appreciates my email.

My mind is stuck on a honey bun that's 30 miles away and it's screaming my name

Just played the worst round of golf in History. Cant wait to play again

And so were you

Talks at work are already insufferable

Trump got yall with that "enemy within" shit huh? Oldest imposter trick in the Among Us playbook.

Elite day for racist and marginally educated ppl

Motherfuckers will deepthroat a billionaire until he cums in their mouth and call it "cheaper groceries." Crazy times man.

Rengoku would fucking HATE most of y'all and that's enough for me.

2 year old is in her room playing with her fake kitchen. Out of NOWHERE she just says "I will cut Daddy." AND CAME OUT THE ROOM WITH HER FAKE KNIFE TALKIN BOUT "come here dad, cut cut cut cut cut cut cut" Send help immediately.

Damn officer I swear I swear he said "leave me nothing but a tube to breathe through" that's my bad

Fuck it I made one of these too

Merry Christmas you fuckers!

People will just not say shit to you and act like you should know there's something wrong

My wife is crocheting me a blanket and this shit looks so sick.

"You're so funny" Thanks I used to get in trouble every year on my birthday so my parents would ground me to my room and I would watch all my friends and family enjoy my party without me.