white people be like this week is a little bit hectic

One day we all drank our last Sobe and nobody told us it was gonna be

omw to get the worm early asf

not only have i hit rock bottom but i keep discovering new ones like granite basement and limestone cellar and marble dungeon

don't forget to set your clocks away from seasonal depression and back to regular depression but with extra sun.

they should take another hour every night until there’s no more time. let’s wrap things up

what if i hugged u really tight & then gradually loosened my grip & told u ur blood pressure is 130/95

I’ll get that email over to you by EOL (End Of Life)

ever since i was a little kid i knew that i wanted to be late for work

they’re pissing me off at the pissing me off factory (my job)

Chicken caeser…but does chicken …hear her?….does chicken understand her?….does chicken tender….?

locked in? no. i’m tucked in. goodnight

your secret is safe with me unless it’s funny

Did you know about this?!🤯 #TripleDFriday

| love when airlines are like ooooooh we didn't realize you'd ALL be bringing a bag

I feel defeated

it’s ok officer I have a gun

[cumming]: fuck this always happens

What’s your phone number let me guess poop poop poop - poop poop poop poop