I could get with 'stop the boats' if it was followed by 'and start legal routes of entry'

Commissioners love to ask "Why now?" "Why do we need this script now?" Like I don't know pal, why do we need a 5th series of Mrs Browns Boys? Why is now a good time for another series following a well known comedian going on holibobs with his mum? I'm going to screeaaaammm

Me an a regular pair of trousers.

Who is the character you’re slowly turning into?

Slept in my Divine Comedy t-shirt and woke up next to Casanova.

LET'S GO!🧀 The Kickstarter for CHEESE! is LIVE NOW! Please help me to make a funny picture book for kids. kickstarter.com/projects/thisi…

WE DID IT! 🧀 CHEESE! is now 50% funded! You really are GRATE! Please help to get CHEESE! to 100% - let's make a funny picture book for kids! kickstarter.com/projects/thisi…

Fuckin ‘ell - we just prefer bears, alright?

A clearly unwell, mentally unstable narcissistic nut job who it is irresponsible to put on telly. And Martha From Baby Reindeer.

I’m bored of emailing producers and not getting a reply. Fed up of missing out on jobs for reasons out of my control. Annoyed at studios not paying me for work. CHEESE! is my attempt to make something happen on my own terms. But I need YOUR help. kickstarter.com/projects/thisi…

Lifetime achievement mansplain alert: Arrived to give a speech. Holding slide had me down as Carry Beaton, so I said I was Cally, if they could change it. The guy said he’d been told it’s definitely Carry. I said no, it’s me - I’m Cally so it does need changing. He showed me an

CHEESE! is now only £49 away from £3000! If anyone is feeling generous it would be amazing to hit a big milestone this weekend! kickstarter.com/projects/thisi…

Bookheads! @MsJoNeary and Ben Moor have another performance of the author event parody BookTalkBookTalkBook coming up. Plus - new WORKS-IN-PROGRESS... 📌Hen & Chickens Theatre Bar, London N1 2NA ⏰14.00 (90 minutes) 📅9th June 2024 🎟️unrestrictedview.co.uk/booktalkbookta…

83% funded. This is VERY CLOSE to happening. Please help if you can.

OH MAN! AFTER A FLURRY OF ACTIVITY AND A RIDICULOUSLY GENEROUS PLEDGE THAT HAS BLOWN MY MIND: CHEESE! IS 94% FUNDED! 🧀 Please pledge tonight and help me hit 100% - I’m trying to make a funny picture book for kids. No celebrity author, just me. kickstarter.com/projects/thisi…

Is it raining? I hadn’t noticed…

Ahem.

Fun week of graduations last week ⁦Falmouth University⁩. If you’d like to learn screenwriting online from an award-winning team of industry pros, check out the free masterclass I’m giving on August 19th: tinyurl.com/rsudb9k4 SPOILER: it beats accountancy #writing #comedy

You seeing this, @ElonMusk?