your stomach is dark as fuck. unless you eat fireflies for breakfast :)

parents be like "you know you can talk to me about anything right?" and then make it extremely clear it will go very poorly if you talk to them about specific things

i have a problem

i don't know whether to call hendrix he or she because they don't put their pronouns anywhere. funny how that works

my father is a small man. as such, many words are too big for him

*meeting a theologian* yo, that guy knows baal

my mom asked me what i want for christmas. motherfucker, the certainty that love is enough

just finished twin peaks. i remember my dad telling me season 2 was bad. it was always gonna be this way. it was always gonna end like this and he was always gonna dislike it. his dislike marks a masterpiece

close your eyes and imagine a walking tree. its trunk is circular, except for the legs (three of them, of course) it has the outline of an entire lizard for its print. now open your eyes and kill it

this translucent medium's got me moving according to snell's law

the phallussy

angelo badalamenti you are a great man

door to door sex salesman

jailor didn't execute night 2 😂🤣 mf you called for tp/lo day 1 in shroud game😭😭 lil bro getting shrouded instantly

the parts of ytpmv elf that are incredibly impressive are also extremely necessary for the joke to work. they let you know that the parts that are straight dogshit in conventional terms are that way on purpose, which is funnier than if someone was just bad at it

who cares about femboys or eggs anymore. i wanna see the hens

a guy really looked at some almost-human-bones and names their owner homo erectus. good one, eugene dubois

"can you tell me the lore behind yo-" shut the fUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP OH MY GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP

they should make a macguffin that solves all my problems

what is a fighter jet, but a manmade dragon