In order to get elected, Barack Obama will start a war with Iran.

Houston is like if the AWS console was a city

woke up made coffee had a blueberry muffin looked out the window this life shit too easy

you open this app and everyone’s complaining about everything under the sun. except the 22 year old nyc burners posting pictures of their guinness glasses and alluding to doing cocaine in the bathroom. they’re having fun

Need to find my Pokémon friends at Barstool, stick us in a room, and play Pokémon for 24 straight hours on stream.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

for years, society was limited to only 16 syrup squares per waffle but with recent combinatorial optimization breakthroughs our research department has achieved previously unheard of densities of waffle syrup

Claude is down

my gym is overrun with only owala bottles i've been thinking about this for weeks and think i've finally nailed down water bottle lineage

The White House releasing a Call of Duty montage was not on the bingo card

makes the serious guys embarrassed and everyone else already hate them more, the only people who think this is awesome are teenagers that cant vote, masterful work from the pedophile government

“I’m overworked and underpaid” Me at work :

Remote workers after their 2:47 PM nap realizing they still have 3 hours of pretending to work left

my bf beating all of his friends in mario kart

The Taco Bell in Pacifica, CA

Se antoja unos drinks coquetos y unas retas de Mario Kart

Reason why I don't eat while studying

idk who needs to hear this but walmart sells snoopy cakes

Olympic skiing superstar Eileen Gu returned to her hometown Saturday as the grand marshal of the Chinese New Year Parade in San Francisco. As the city drummed to life, spectators nudged up to the barricades for a better look, before Gu entered stage left in a red Ford Mustang