Huh. I was not expecting this to be the angle of the Springsteen biopic:

Thought I adopted a blue heeler, later realized I had adopted a blue HEALER. 🙏 ❤️

If you’re dedicated enough to teach your dog to skateboard, you should be awarded a public pension.

If not for the radio edit of Third Eye Blind’s Semi Charmed Kind Of Life, as a ten-year-old, I woulda been ‘doing crystal meth to lift me up until, i breaked.’

Still can't believe the Cavs won an NBA Finals Game 7 in those weird t-shirt jersey things.

The energy I think I bring to work presentations vs the energy I actually bring to work presentations.

“You want a coke? Maybe some fries? The roast beef combo’s only $39.95.” -Ben Folds in 2025

I prefer the She’s All That girl glasses on.

When San Francisco people say, “Don’t leave valuables in your car” are they talking about all these half eaten sourdough bread bowls floating around in my back seat?

Elon starting a new political party makes me feel like I have permission to start a semi-regular small get together next Saturday.

Shot a musket into the Pacific Ocean on the fourth of July. 10 out of 10.

In the movie, F1, Brad Pitt plays the guy who invented the wheel.

Is 1-800-GAMBLER the number you call to get all your money back?

I truly believe raccoons are thenmost intelligent life form on the planet. They just choose a simple life.

Just found out this guy that i played softball with (i think seven years ago) has not followed me back on instagram.

Can’t believe Hot Guy Summer is almost half over.

I lost my passport but found my 2010 ipod touch. 🙏

She’s got Bette Davis thighs.

All we have left as a country is Dave Franco and Alison Brie.

Mendocino Farms is low grade prison food.