Anyway, folks, take my mother, Lady Catelyn-- no, seriously: TAKE HER. Ba-dum-psh. Heh heh heh... I am so alone in this world of darkness.

They called me mad. They called me bitter. They called me terrifying. They'll never call me pleasantly plump. GRRRRRRRRRR. #SadXylophoneRibs

I communicate in short, unexpected bursts, not unlike a child suddenly dashing at you with a pitchfork as you approach the wine cellar.

Y'all needa *hic* unnerstan' that bein' drunk 'n' invisbibbel *hic* iddin't the same as bein' dead. That said... *hic* please kill me now.

STOP HOGGIN' THE SAUCE, SHAGGYDOG. One of these *hic* days...POW! Right in the kisser. Aw, you're so cu-*hic* cu-*hic* cute. Fuck.

#drunkwithmydoginthewoods #dogisseriouslydrunk #iamageniusandmydogiscompletelyinebriated #gameofthrones

I'm in a moat, I'm in a moat - everybody look at me 'cause I'm drowning in a moat! Haha, just kidding. I'm starving and cold in some woods.

Another day, another epileptic total-fucking-stranger getting more attention than I've received in the last lifetime. #GameOfTwitching

This is a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down...

And I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there; I'll tell you how I became the prince of being left in the woods starving and ignored.

It's tough masterminding complete and total revenge on society while eating roots and random fungi. Frightful lack of booze doesn't help.

"FUCK YO' WHACK-ASS RABBITS. INVISI-RICKON ONLY WANT ORGANIC PRODUCE UP IN THIS BITCH," is what I'd say if I wasn't busy plotting my escape.

My goddamn paraplegic brother said "Goodbye, uhm... Jackon?" before I left, and then Hodor shrugged. Fuck my life. Time to drink. Woo! Die.

I just made a COOOOL WolfMan action figure out of twigs and rocks. I'm gonna mail it to Robb (on a roided-out pigeon) so he won't forget me!

I met a turnip saleswoman. Said I reminded her of her dead son. I asked if she wanted to be my mom. She was talking to the orphan behind me.

I felt a great disturbance in the world, as if millions of chickens suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. #squawk

But really: where the fuck am I, even? Osha, are you baked? This place smells like cat pee. Wildlings blow. Shaggy and I wanna bounce.

One cool thing about being dragged around by a girl with a serious frizz problem is the heap of time it gives me to plot world domination.

Sometimes I stare at the back of Osha's head and imagine alien worlds blanketed in trees with split ends. And giant fleas. Girl is dirty.

Samwell Tarly We're actually in a snow globe that a little boy named Rickon is playing with. #StWesteros