Why do we have hands anyways?

I don't necessarily think God confroms to binary genders as we understand them. God is probably just a giant five-dimensional hypertorus composed of an infinitity of dicks and tiddies. But it probably shows up as a woman because everybody likes how they look.

Hey internet strangers. I'm writing this here because I have nowhere else to put it. I had some sort of transient neurological event that resembled a stroke. I'm apparently okay, but they have no idea what's going on. Any positive thoughts, vibes, or energy appreciated.

Oooweee look at me I bought into the timeshare scam we call America and now I'm a-draggin' everybody down with my poop'in! Keep in mind, these are all the words of a lunatic.

Everyone has a turdburglar-man. Exorcise the demons from your life. Yeet them lil bitches out.

Nothing will ever beat the superior sound of monoblock tube amplifiers x a nice record player.

im still here?

Anybody wanna buy an engagement ring? DM me...

After a couple near death experiences you realize that bwing alive is way scarier than almost dying.

Dhit, I'd take out a student loan for that.

That being said, if someone whose politics or literature I liked said they quit smoking cold turkey the first try, I would doubt them as well. It’s just more fun to dunk on Ayn Rand.

Happy birthfay Lemmy. Your beautiful spirit shines on forever in our hearts. You were truly the reasob the season. I'll be celebrating by wearing my Motörhead shirt to Benihana and drinking some Jack Daniels in your honor. You are missed. #LemmyKilmister #LemmyXmas #Lemmy

The holidays: everybody else has huge family drama, I'm just over here relaxin', listen to records and playing with slot cars.

Do you think Steve Harvey ever announces the wrong Publisher's Clearing House winners? "Oh sorry, we need that big check back..."

2020; time to realize we live in a simulation and it's kind of a crappy one. Maybe we're just in trial mode. Or a demo screen in a 9 dimensional Bestbuy analogue.

Kim Kardashian bought Michael Jackson's house. $20 bucks says the Kardashians are child molesters. Why else would you need a house with a toy train and a child rape dungeon and the skeleton of the elephant man and a chimp. They're all 100% making sacrificies to Moloch.

#FeelTheBern

This is like me giving $7.70 to help the climate. Fuck you spaceballs, and everything you stand for.