If ever you are feeling overlooked at work just remember that Man United have a back up keeper

My pal Victoria Cook (Victoria Jordy Cook on Insta) just walked 90km across the Arctic to raise money for CHESHIRE WITHOUT ABUSE on JustGiving. She is less than £200 to her 5k goal. Donate now and help her hit it justgiving.com/page/victoria-…

I get free annual Health Checks through my work and found out today that while my body fat has decreased, and my muscle mass has gone up, where I store that fat has changed to my waist so my belly’s got bigger So basically the better shape I get in, the worse shape I look 👍👍

Leo Dicaprio: I don’t date women over 25 Pope Leo: hold my Sacriment

About once a year I get to post something I’m proud of, and once again it’s bringing a banging line up of comics to 2000trees Festival Can’t wait for this July to be back in the Trees, wearing a stupid hat, and making people laugh (often unrelated to the stupid hat I’m wearing)

Everyone in Star Wars: has flying bikes and hovering vehicles and can land a plane pretty much anywhere Also everyone in Star Wars: lands their planes miles away from the nearest building and walks to their destination

35 years to the day since Jim Davis took the absolutely insane decision to publish a Garfield strip where it is heavily implied Jon Arbuckle downs a cup of dog semen #neverforget #garfield

I will never not post this piece of insanity (tune is a banger too)

ICE about to deport their first ever rich, white dude

For a man on a cocktail of Ketamine, shrooms and ecstasy Elon Musk really has no chill

Wonder what happened around 8pm today?

Since Trump’s first term we have seen a decline in the online popularity of the Fake Taxi I wonder what could have put us off the idea of watching an old man taking someone for a ride, uncomfortably screwing them, then kicking them to the curb, during the last eight years?

Kidnapping someone just to test my theory that duck tape over the mouth wouldn’t work

The vegetables in my fridge as I once again open UberEats

Watching the Oceangate doc on Netflix and Stockton sounds exactly like Roman Roy and has the same personality too

I’m so old I’ve been through the “friends getting married” phase, into the “friends having kids” phase, past the “friends getting divorced” phase, and I’m now entering the “podcasts I’ve been listening to for 16 years ending” phase

Having to do a lot less scrolling to get to the doom these days

Actual footage of me having to book comedians for this festival