this is so me

my boss asked me to stop saying “chat is this real?” during sales calls

breakfast? oh you mean re-fueling the yap machine

can’t tell if my gf is on a meeting or watching gilmore girls

a gay dispensary called loud and proud

giving a genuine effort towards something that scares you feels just as good as success

honey, i smoked the gas

my favorite part of the debate was trump being on a first name basis with the head of the taliban

she call me benedict the way i cum in batches

i heard the chair of the federal reserve lowered interest rates. seriously? they let a chair make these kinds of decisions?

do you think dogs look at each other playing fetch and say “he got that guy in him”

i’m rewatching breaking bad for the first time since it aired and the acting in this show is some of the best i have ever seen. hal from malcom in the middle really put his bryan cranstussy into heisenberg

beer is the mind chiller

lady atreides if she was dope as hell:

third time in three days i’ve been asked if i’m indian by an indian person. i’m just gonna start saying yeah.

could never be a cop. first day i’m smacking the piss out of whoever talks to me crazy

nosferatu was good

“I don’t care what people say about the Palestinians, they were good to us” - methodman

*carrying my 50 pound poodle down the street*: his feet are cold

the bibby episode of atlanta is one of the best episodes of a show i’ve ever seen