They throw their worst at us every day and we pick ourselves up off the floor and ask for more the next morning.

Are you seriously going to just sit there and tell me I made a big oopsie?

Just saw a checkers set marketed as ‘classic game of wit and cunning’

“Uh oh, what’s gonna happen with thiiiiiiis?” (Picking up random objects at Chekhov’s house.)

when people write memoirs it’s like how did you remember all of that

Best thing I’ve learned this week is that seals do something called the “banana pose” when they feel safe and content.

They are playing the main menu song from Mass Effect at my local carnival

Preview from my new custom tarot deck: The Hanged Man

Shamelessly walking my lil ass around town after spilling pickle vinegar on my brand new corduroy pants brought to you by GAP

I have three memojis: me in a cowgirl hat, me in a jesters hat, and Nosferatu

Gonna be calling fall ‘Go Time’ this year

not me describing poetry as 'the build a bear of language'

Lying in bed with a cat who looks like Michael Shannon this is an SOS

Look, man – if your religious beliefs involve bad guys, keep it to yourself and leave me out of it. Thanks.

My personal nightmare has actualized today – I have dressed one layer under the weather

The NFL replay center of the mind

Your girlfriend loves my pirate voice

*me looking at an objective rendering of basic addition, of my own choices* You know I should really have way more say in what goes into my Spotify Wrapped