Hey guys, they’re gonna bamboozle me later if y’all wanna pull up

Burner twitter was way better when it was just dudes sticking fingers in their drinks

Recession indicator?

How about a mortgage that begins at conception and goes until you die?

Say that you a lesbian, girl, me too

Vaxxed?

Walgreens: “your prescription is ready for pickup” Walgreens an hour later: “do you still need your prescription?” Jesus Christ, gimme a fucking chance

Damn girl, you don’t look a day over fast cars and freedom

This is what I told the hospital HR lady when they turned me down for a neurosurgeon position

Let’s get lost tonight, you can be my Chinese Kate Moss tonight

Jeffrey Epstein was the inventor of “this could’ve been an email”

21 goon salute

White people be like my dog has an emotional support animal

When I am President, we will have free iCloud storage for all

What’s a good watch for someone just getting into telling time?

Italian rapper named Fetty Wop

Mike’s Flaccid Lemonade

Joseph Kitchenette Biden

Tremendous Spirit Airlines 🔜

ACAB includes the receipt checker at Walmart